Marius' resignation (Nova Roma)

25 April 2001

Ex papilio Luci Mari Peregrini s.p.d.:

Salvete, vires clarissimi...

I go.

I gave it an honest effort, I really did. First Livia and then Germanicus have taken an active interest in 'rehabilitating' me. I had introduced myself, in a non-inflammatory way, to a fresh crowd of newbies, and was finally (with the encouragement of the Senior Consul) beginning to post to the List again on the topics of the day. Indeed, in response to last week's 'Structure versus Spirit' thread, I was going to publish my own vision of what a Roman organization could be like, at its best, for its members.

Unfortunately, Formosanus kind of beat me to it. He posted, to the wrong List, just enough about my ideas (and his responses to them) to make it seem that I was up to something Sinister. This was probably not deliberate, but in the aftermath that hardly mattered: it was pounced upon by all the usual persons and entities in all the usual ways. Reactions to what people thought I was doing only underscored what I have for a long time begun to suspect: that it is Not Possible for Lucius Marius Peregrinus to function normally as a member of the Nova Roman community.

Some of this is due to the actions of people who consider themselves my friends. Some of this, no doubt--probably a great deal of it--is due to my own basic awkwardness in social situations. I have made mistakes here, and I have had mistakes made "on my behalf." I have deliberately done a thing or two that later turned out to be monumentally stupid. And I have been subjected to some pure nastiness on the part of persons who were affected by my various lapses of judgement and/or self-discipline. The end result is the same: Even when I am doing my best, my situation can go from tolerable to untenable in next to no time.

I have been living like this for a couple of years, during neither of which I have been at all an effective member of the community. There doesn't seem to be any way out of this within Nova Roma except more probations, more humbling, more tiptoeing around the perimeter. I do not believe the day will arrive anytime soon when my contributions can be weighed and evaluated on their own merits. In short, I'm not sure I have much of a future here.

So...I go.

I am not mad at anyone. I do not hate NR as an organization, or Nova Romans as people. I won't be posting any long denunciations on the Main List. If anyone asks me about Nova Roma and/or why I am no longer a Citizen, I will say that it is a fine concept and it has done some wonderful things, but that my own membership simply didn't work out. (Most people who would know to ask me this are already aware that I am something of an 'acquired taste', so this will not surprise them.)

But it's a fine night, with a beautiful sliver of a crescent moon in the sky, and it's the 25th of April, the Robigalia if I'm not mistaken...a good night to do us all a favor and shed the burden my Citizenship has become to all sides. Someone is barbecueing, and the older kids in the trailer park are playing on a huge trampoline. I have a Roman vision in my head, and whether I'm going to pursue it formally, informally, or under the wing of someone who knows better than I how to nourish such a thing remains to be seen.

Whatever the outcome, I carry no grudges out with me...and I remain, always, a Roman. I leave it to one or more of you, my witnesses, to inform the Censores of my decision. It's also up to you if you want to inform the populace. Do feel free, all of you, to drop by the Outpost sometime and say Hey. Stay in touch; I intend to do the same--it could be interesting to compare notes. Best of luck, and may Fortuna smile upon your efforts.

In amicitia et fides,

***********************************************************
Lucius Marius Peregrinus
Storyteller, Roleplayer Emeritus,
  Historical Re-Creationist
    and Citizen of Rome
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"Is Rome worth one good man's life?
       We believed it once.
    Make us believe it again."
      -- Lucilla, _Gladiator_