"Historic Event", by C. Claudius Quadratus

Historic Event

Shared winning novel of the Certamen Petronianum II, by C. Claudius Quadratus

"Order, order, ORDER! Stop chittering like squirrels having a seed fight! ORDER! Thank you, and welcome to our annual tribal convocation. You in the corner: that appendage is part of you, stop trying to catch it! Edipol! May I finally begin? Thank you.

"We gather every year on the equinoctal Ides so the younger generation may hear of the great injustice done to us that has now endured for 346 years. Ever since that fateful time, so long ago, when the pants-wearing invaders threatened to destroy the City, we have been denied credit for the part played by our revered ancestors. The geese get all the glory, but, I ask you, who woke them? Our ancestors, that's who! As usual, felines were on the prowl in the countryside. It was felines who first detected the enemy. It was felines who woke the geese. Granted, geese make more noise than us, but still, without our warning, without our having sounded the alarm, our beloved urbs would have been lost that night.

"Where is the justice? Why are we not given our due? There should be statues of US in the Forum, not only of them! Let us pray and give offerings so that some day the gods move the two-legged Romans to realize just how important our kind were to their survival. We must be patient. We've waited so long. We'll just wait some more. We must not forget!

"That, dear children, is why we gather every year at this time and at this place. To celebrate the greatest moment of our past; to dream of our future honor and glory. But our convocation today must be shortened for the Senate is due to have a session here. The Curia is still under renovation and you know how those projects seem to go on forever. Time was they could build an aqueduct in a couple of years, but now you can have two secular games waiting for a building to be fixed.

"Uh, oh, we have to leave now. There is a bunch of striped-toga-wearers gathered by the door looking all spooky so we'd better scatter before they enter even though nothing of any real importance should happen today. Now, may I hear a mewtion to adjourn?"